Frozen Garden

Frozen Garden

Following my footprints from yesterday, I walked into God’s frozen garden . The snow was firmly packed down. I didn’t dare get off this path or surely I would sink knee deep in snow. The cold white snow would sneak into my boots and make my legs feel like frozen Popsicles. My eyes looked across the canvas that God provided for my pleasure. A sprinkling of unsullied snow delicately lay upon the ground. The sun was shining so bright my eyes had to squint. The quiet in this frozen garden was so peaceful; I was filled with a compelling desire to listen closely as to hear God’s voice whisper something in my ears. Something like, “Hello my little one, how are you doing today?” Wait, that is stupid. Of course he wouldn’t ask that. He already knows how I’m doing today. However, I did keep hearing the same verse in my head, “Be still and know that I am God.” I thought that can’t be what God is saying. I kept thinking, I already know that you are God. His words kept rewinding in my head. So I kept walking and admiring this amazing sight of which my eyes observed.

The squeaking snow underneath my boot as I stepped and the steady hum of  an airplane in the distance were the only other sounds heard. It was not like walking through cold wet snow. The snow was fluffy and soft, a comforting spread of whiteness resting over the ground all around me. Sparkles in the snow glistened like millions upon millions of diamonds. Diamonds are hard and can be sharp, but these diamonds seemed so soft yet bright. Each snowflake reflecting the sun’s light. I couldn’t help but think that there were more sparkles then there are stars. God put each one in their perfect place. Even where I stepped, the sparkles shined through my footprints. It was incredible.  

I dropped to my knees in the middle of this frozen garden surrounded by the vastness of sky, sun and fields. In awe of seeing this canvas that I felt God had made just for me, I exalted the Lord God with praise. There was no else around. I tried to praise in a manner which would match his splendour. I failed. For nothing matches the splendour of God, the Creator of all things. When I looked at each snowflake a realization came to my mind. God put them there, just like He put the stars in place, in the same way that He created each one of us, in detail and unique.

Only when I try to comprehend how big, how vast and how awesome God must be, I realize that God is indescribable. There would not be enough paper in the entire world or enough trees to cut down to describe God in His fullness. God is a personal God. His voice rings loud and clear even in the middle of an empty field. God is God and I am His and He is mine. Wow!

God didn’t want anything more for me this day then to recognize who God is in my life and to take a moment to be still. Whether I am walking with Him on a busy street or laying in a blanket of snow in silence. God is with me all the time. He always was and is and forever will be. Lines of communication are open.

Psalm 147:15 – “He sends his command to the earth; his word runs swiftly. He spreads the snow like wool and scatters the frost like ashes. He hurls down his hail like pebbles.”

Psalm 148 – “Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord from the heavens, praise him in the heights above. Praise him, all his angels; praise him, all his heavenly hosts. Praise him, sun and moon, praise him, all you shining stars. Praise him you highest heavens and you waters above the skies. Let them praise the name of the Lord, for he commanded and they were created. He set them in place for ever and ever; he gave a decree that will never pass away.” Wow!

bible thumpers

Hello fellow bible thumpers. That is the title many of us Christians are given and I wonder why? Does it come across like we are head bangers using what we have learned from reading “The Word of God” the "Bible"? Many times that interpretation is probably not far from the truth. Yes our great commission is to go out into all the world and teach the gospel of Jesus Christ. (Key word is "teach" not pound over people’s heads). I don’t think God meant for us to to go out and try and impress everyone with how many scripture verses we have memorized.

I imagine, some may argue that we are just trying to save the souls of the lost. We are passionate and we don’t want to see our loved ones go to hell. After all we are living in the end times. Christ’s return is imminent. I have to tell them so they will repent. (I envision - after reading the last couple of sentences that half the readers just clicked on the delete button.)

Did anyone notice that bible thumping is not working? To hear the word of God might mean we have to change the way we live, think and breathe. Our churches are emptier than ever. While many of these scriptural truths stare us in the face, people don’t want to be made to feel like they are any less important than the next person. It sometimes seems that churches only want perfect people. Hello, Jesus came for the sick, the weak, the poor in spirit – he came for the sinners which is every single one of us. When we Christians begin to think we have it all figured out and that we are saved and they are not – I say be careful lest you might fall. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that who ever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of the Lord.” I memorized those two verses. Don’t pat me on the back yet. I still have 1,949 more pages in the version of my bible to memorize. Not going to happen in this lifetime unless I have a Jesus miracle. “All things are possible through Christ Jesus.” I know that line of scripture too. Impressed yet?

My solution to my own opinion: I’m talking to myself when I say these things. Christians need to walk like the shepherd, talk like the shepherd and sound like a shepherd too. Of course I am referring to the Shepherd of all creation – Jesus Christ. It is not as much that we are not to share the word of God; we are to share the good news. There is a time and a place and a leading of the Spirit. It is more that we are to live the word in our daily lives. Do we always succeed? No, Why? We are not perfect. That is why we need a Saviour every day. When we realize that we are all the same, we all have needs, desires and the same daily essentials to live this life. We are all searching for the same thing. It takes each single one of us, a different amount of time to find it. Each life journey is unique. If each of us genuinely changed the way we think, eat and breathe, if we individually looked to God for the answers, if we intuitively came to know who Jesus is in all His majestic splendour then we would joyfully share him with the example of our daily lives.

What does it take to do this? To begin, it takes time, a study bible, desire, initiative, prayer and the help of the Holy Spirit. With these six elements you will be amazed at what the Holy Spirit will teach you. I'm sure far more than any bible thumper like myself could teach you. Enjoy your discoveries.

Destiny

What is my purpose? What is my destiny? What happens when we die?


Deep down, don’t we all have that wonder to know the answers to these questions? Sometimes it takes an entire lifetime to find out what that purpose is and sometimes we never find out. That does not mean that we have not fulfilled God’s purpose. We would be surprised how over a lifetime, we may have influenced someone in a good or bad way. I would like to share some scriptures meaningful to me. In my searching and through the answers I am complelled to share what I learn so others may also join in this revelation. I know as soon as some people hear the scripture quotes they close the blog never learning a thing. If you really want answers, then all I am hoping is that you will search these quotes and seek to know what your destiny can be through a Saviour.

When a loved one dies it often makes us think about life and what comes after death. For me, the first question I would like to affirm is if the deceased person had a relationship with the Saviour Jesus Christ? Did they at any time in their life recognize the need for a Saviour? Did they live a strong Christian life by going to church or did they worship the Lord in the privacy of their home? Did they have faith in Jesus? or Was it a life lived without the knowledge? The bible is also called the book of knowledge. Perhaps that person was like one of the criminals on their cross. One on the left of Jesus and one on the right side of Jesus during the crucifixion of Christ on His cross (my cross). Luke 23:39 “One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Christ? Save yourself and us!”

But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said. “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserved. But this man has done nothing wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”

Jesus answered him, “I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.”

One criminal mocked Christ. The other in his own way confessed his sin and then he acknowledged Jesus as Lord. It was really just a brief conversation from one criminal’s heart to the Lord of all Creation. The criminal accepted who Christ is right at that moment while nailed on that cross, knowing he was going to die. In return Christ Jesus accepted the criminal into the kingdom of God. His sins were forgiven because of that confession of the heart. It is interpreted that the mocking criminal on the cross, had his eyes pecked out and that he did not go into paradise.

I believe our lives are intertwined for a God purpose. There are no coincidences in life. The fact that you are reading this is not a coincidence. We all have a time when we are born and a time when we die. King David had a special relationship with God and it is evident throughout his life that he also had great insight. Words written by David in the psalms, best express answers to our purpose in life. Psalm 138 “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me. Your love, O Lord endures forever – do not abandon the works of your hands.”

We all have a purpose to fulfill. While God’s love endures forever – he can and does allow us to make our own choices. The choices we make determine our final destiny when our life on earth is finished. God has given us instruction for a better life and the opportunity for eternal life. Make no mistake God will abandon the work of his hands if we don’t accept the gift of eternal life found in the acceptance of the Saviour Jesus Christ. Read the old testament book of Lamentations - A horrific book tells in detail what happens when God's children forsake God. The new  testament clearly shows God's mercy and the way back to Him.That way is through Jesus. “He is the way the truth and the life.”

“Old testament - Psalm 139:13 – “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

From that verse we can see that God is all knowing. If we really take the time to try and comprehend what God is and how he works it is probably far beyond what we can even fathom. God in His infinite wisdom made it simple for salvation to occur. How big is God? David understood and said it clearly. Psalm 139:17- “How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.”

I search the scriptures to gain my own insight. There are many questions. I’m sure I will never fully understand the whys of this world. Life is a journey to a final destination. My hope is that I will live for eternity in the kingdom of God with God, otherwise known as heaven, paradise. To know that others, who God has placed in my life circle, will also meet me in that great beyond, also gives me great hope and peace.

I wish I could pray everyone into heaven, but I can’t. Each person is responsible to make that choice for themselves. If you have taken the time to read my blog, also take a moment to ask yourself and ask God what is the purpose He has for your life? You can begin by talking to Jesus. There is always a choice. That is what the two criminals on the cross stand for. What side of the cross are you going to stand on? Then you will know your destiny.

Beauty

Beauty

The Webster Encyclopedic Dictionary

Beauty “An assemblage of perfections through which an object is rendered pleasing to the eye; those qualities in the aggregate that give pleasure to the aesthetic sense; qualities that delight the eye, the ear, or the mind; loveliness; elegance; grace; a particular grace or ornament; that which is beautiful; a part which surpasses in beauty that with which it is united; a beautiful person, especially, a beautiful woman.”

“Beauty is but skin deep”

“A thing of beauty is a joy forever;

Its loveliness increases; it will never Pass into nothingness.” John Keats

What is your definition of beauty? I think that for the most part people have it all wrong. There is too great of an emphasis put on beauty and how we look. From an early age, I was told that I was pretty. Over the years, one or two have called me beautiful. Being somewhat athletic, I have naturally remained quite fit and kept a somewhat slim figure. Acne was never a problem so my complexion was clear and I always tanned easily. When I finished high school I thought I could find a career by using my looks. I was

not academical. That was when I decided to go to modeling school where I learned how to accentuate my looks even more by learning how to apply make up, how to dress, walk and better present myself.

Now I am getting older and notice the enemy of age slowly taking away the youthfulness that I once wore on my face. External beauty really is fleeting. Many celebrities and many women today have face lifts, botox and spend a great deal of money clutching to keep that eternal youth. Self inflicted or not, the pressure for a beautiful person to remain good looking is enormous. Mostly our vanity becomes an obsession that we cannot win. Some facelift results are horrific. Honestly, I rather bury my head in the sand then walk around looking like I just walked through a wind tunnel that left my face looking like a plastic bag has taken up permanent residence. I’d rather get old gracefully and accept the lines and sags as they come. Do I like the ageing process? Absolutely not! In fact as I get older, I would kind of like to escape with my husband to some deserted place where I don’t have to worry about what other people think or comment about my appearance. It would be nice to live in a place without mirrors or judgment, other people’s criticism or comments. It would be nice to not care about how I look and just enjoy who I am. For whatever reason, more often than not, we always seem to look at people and see them for what they look like externally, not the beauty that lies within.

Recently I have been looking at pictures. Don’t we always put out the best pictures of ourselves? Face it. Doesn’t it take a person who is very confident within themselves to put out a picture that is very unflattering? I guess I have thought about what true beauty is in the last few weeks.

My little sister Penny recently passed away. We had her funeral. Many people came and shared their perspectives about Penny. I must admit, I’ve done a lot of reflecting and soul searching since her death. This is not easy to confess. By appearances one might look at two sisters standing together. One sister has model like attributes while the other sister has downs syndrome attributes, one eye pointing in, short stature etc. I remember when we were young, going into stores and noticing the stares Penny would get. It was because her appearance was different.

I think of the movie Shrek. In the beginning of the movie, it shows the princess so very beautiful in appearance. A witch puts a spell on the princess and transforms her into a less attractive looking woman. In the end of the movie, everyone wants this princess to get her beauty back. The twist in the movie is that the princess actually remains in what some may consider an ugly state. It seems that it is human nature for us to always choose outward beauty before we choose the inner beauty.

I am thinking that Penny has taught me a valuable lesson since her death. In all my soul searching, looking at pictures and listening to other people who knew Penny, I have witnessed the inner beauty which exuded from her. Truthfully, I never really thought about it before. I simply never noticed a lot of things about Penny. She didn’t have a vain bone in her body. Sure she liked it when people told her she looked pretty, but for the most part Penny never concerned herself with how she looked. Penny had a freedom to be Penny. After looking through many pictures, I realize she was quite photogenic and very cute. Truly her beauty shinned through her natural smile. Penny carried within herself far more beauty than I have ever been able to obtain. When you take off the make-up and look at our spirits, perhaps Penny was far more beautiful than I or any celebrity, even with all the facelifts in California. I look at a picture of two sisters and now see that Penny was the beautiful one and I have been the ugly duckling. It is said, “True beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

I think my Pastor said it best at Penny’s funeral. “All the gold in California is not in a bank in Beverley Hills. It is right here.” The gold was shinning in that service through the life Penny lived and through all the people who shared in her beautiful life. A penny is made of copper. Our Penny was pure gold.

I love you Penny, my beautiful little sister.

Penny Wiggles

In Memory of Penny Darlene Wills. Jan. 15 1966 - Dec. 3, 2010

“All the Gold in California” – That was one of Penny’s favourite songs. I guess Penny would have been about twelve when that song hit the charts. For some reason Penny just loved that song and Larry Gatlan. When we drove to California with Mum and Dad, Penny played that song on her little eight track all the way. Dad wanted to throw the tape out the window, but Mum wouldn’t let him. When we would have company over to the house, Penny would start singing "All the Gold in California". She knew every word. She would talk continually about Larry Gatlan. Penny actually went to a few of his concerts when he was in Ontario. In fact, she met Larry Gatlan about a month ago. When he was on stage he blew Penny a kiss and said, “I love you Penny”. He also sent her a little letter which is in the coffin with his CD. This was one of Penny’s many highlighted moments.

On behalf of Norma, Crystal and Candice and the Wills family we wish to thank everyone for the love, support and prayers given on behalf of Penny and our family. Personally, I would like to thank many of you, who over the years have really come to know Penny, love Penny and care for Penny. I don’t know many of you, and perhaps you knew Penny in ways I did not know her, even though she was my sister. You are special people and have special gifts. I praise God for people like you who have made Penny a part of your lives and in doing so, made Penny’s life so full of joy. You cared for her needs and loved her. I believe with all my heart that Penny loved all of you. Her love showed in her smile which is captured in her pictures. A special thanks to her first teacher in public school and high school, the caregivers at C.LG. Day Program, people who met with Penny regularly to teach her computer skills or reading, her respite caregivers and Penny’s special friend who took her out for coffee every Saturday for twelve years. There are many people  who have shared a special bond with Penny. You know who you are and you know the part you had in Penny’s life. Once again I sincerely thank you.

Penny was born January 15, 1966. I can remember back to that time, even though I was just five years old. Mum was pregnant. At that time there was a show on television called “Lost in Space”. It was one of my favourite shows. I loved watching Will and Penny Robinson each week. I remember saying, “Mummy, if you have a little boy can we call him Will?” Mum didn’t like that name because she thought that Will Wills didn’t sound right. As it turned out, Mum had a little girl. One look at her little baby with her little nose, tiny ears and hands and Mum knew that she would name her Penny. Penny was born with down syndrome which is a genetic condition. She had one chromosome difference. Even then Mum instinctively knew that Penny was a blessing from God though some may have thought otherwise. Mum knew that God had given us Penny for a reason.

When Penny was born there was not as much knowledge about her special condition. There was not the resources to research like there is today. Mum learned how to care for Penny the only way she knew how. Like a lot of parenting skills they are developed on the job training. I remember every week a nurse would come in and help my Mum bathe Penny, care for her belly button and make sure Penny was doing okay. Mum feared for Penny's life when she was just a baby. She lay on the bed wearing a pink dress and she looked like a little doll. Penny was having difficulty breathing because she had a cold and her nostrils were very tiny. Penny grew out of the baby stage into a toddler.

There were moments when Penny was quite a handful. When Penny was very young she was fascinated with hair. So fascinated that she would put her hands in your hair and pet it. One day, one of Mum’s good friends Agnus was visiting. Penny proceeded to touch her hair. Next thing you know Agnus screamed. The more Agnus screamed, the harder Penny pulled her hair. It was quite difficult to remove Penny’s hands from the tangled hair. I think Penny was curved from this sense of curiosity when one day she pulled the wig right off of Aunt Vera’s head. The shock on Penny’s face said it all. The response of Aunt Vera was quite hilarious.

I can remember Penny to be the center of so much laughter. She was about five years old. One of her cutest impressions she did was the Pilsbury Doe Boy. The first time she did this she stood in the middle of the living room with her hand up and her mouth shaped like an O, pointing to her belly. It became a big game for everyone to figure out what Penny was doing. The house roared with laughter. You just never knew what Penny was going to do. There were so many surprises which brought laughter. Penny loved her popcorn and chips, but more than anything she loved her Mom, her family and people.

Mum had many years of caring for Penny. In the last few years Crystal and Candice took over for Mum and did everything they could do to make a happy home for Penny, Kala, Liz and Kaitlen. They enjoyed many happy times with all the girls of which will always be treasured. 

Penny had her infatuations over the years. With each one she entertained us. I think Penny always liked when people laughed. She did not like people arguing or loud noises. Whether Penny was wearing her purple Donny Osmond socks and talking about Donny Osmond incessantly or if she was dressed in green make-up pretending to be the incredible Hulk or joyfully singing “All the Gold in California” at the top of her lungs, Penny always made sure that we knew about her love interests. She loved Elvis and going to Collingwood and dancing up a storm. She loved the kisses and hugs she received from all the Elvis’s even more. What can I say, Penny loved her guys and even Keith Urban can attest to this. She loved her calendar book and listening to CD’s, the Raider family, Ocean Opry and music.

When Crystal, Penny and I were young we loved to play and pretend we were Jamie Summers, the bionic woman. We would jump off the couches and picnic tables and run in slow motion. Penny would make the bionic sounds and pretend to subdue us. She was strong like Jamie Summers.

Somewhere along life’s journey, I began calling her Penny Wiggles and Penny would reply back to me Becky Wiggles. I didn’t realize until we were in the hospital on Friday that everyone called her Penny Wiggles. It made her smile when we would call her that name. Lord knows, I loved to tease Penny. Penny liked to tease me in return. It was all in fun. When Penny was little she would curl her front lip with her tongue. Mum thought she looked like the puppet lamb chops. You would have to be over fifty to know who lamb chops is.

So I have had a few days to reflect over memories and think about Penny and who she was in my life. We seem do to that when we lose a loved one. Life can seem like a strange and winding road. Often we take the people in our lives for granted, never thinking that tomorrow they could be gone.

I feel sad knowing that Penny is not with us anymore and I picture her in that hospital room on that Friday where she was surrounded by love. It is hard to say goodbye. The only thing that really gives me comfort is in knowing that she is now enveloped by the most incredible love, a perfect love within God’s presence. I believe this because I know that Penny had a childlike faith and loved Jesus. She accepted Jesus just like she accepted everyone. Penny never had it in her to judge people or harbour bitterness or anger. She just accepted everyone for who they are.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me. Do not hinder them for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” I happen to believe the word of God to be true. In God’s word it says throughout many scriptures that Jesus will change our “vile bodies”. I believe that on Friday afternoon, Penny walked into heaven with a new glorified body. A body no longer restricted by sickness, pain, or any infirmity. I know that her sight was made perfect. I am expecting to see Penny again some time. The scripture says that we will recognise each other by our spirits. Penny had a wonderful gentle spirit.

I know that Penny loves Jesus. I believe that is exactly where Penny is right now, rejoicing in Heaven. So it only seems appropriate that at the end of this service we play one of Penny’s favourite songs which also happens to be one of my favourites too. “I’m a sinner, but I’ve never sinned because I’ve got a friend in Jesus. When I die and they lay me to rest, I’m going to that place that is the best. Going up to the Spirit in the sky. That is where I’ll go when I die. When I die and they lay me to rest I’m going to the place that is the best."

If I were to pick out something which I will always remember about Penny, it would be that incredible innocence she possessed and the smile that always graced her face. I saw that smile only a week ago. It impelled me to give her a kiss and a hug and tell her “I love you Penny”. Penny was unique in every sense of the word -my gentle little sister - My Penny Wiggles. We will not forget you Penny. Even though you are gone, you will be remembered by many.

I'll just say: See later Penny. I'll love you forever. xoxoxo

Where is God?

Where is God? This is a question often asked by people in devestating times. The bible tells us that God is with us all the time. That would mean that in the best of circumstances and in the worst of times God is with us. When we lose loved ones or witness devestation like Haiti's earthquake, some may ask that question.

Again I have been touched by the prayers of many believers of Christ Jesus. Poetic prayers, heartfelt and tear streaming prayers, prayers of faith by many who believe that all things are possible in Christ Jesus. Truth is, all things are possible in Christ Jesus. However, sometimes God doesn't answer our prayers in ways which we can understand. At this time I am thinking of a young Mother. Her name is Colleen. Colleen had a sudden heart failure. It is told that it took seventeen minutes to revive her. She has been in a coma ever since.

For years I sang in the chroir with Colleen and many other wonderful men and women of faith. Colleen is the mother of three children and the wife of Alec her loving husband. She is a loving sister, a daughter, a friend, a part of many lives. This is now day 39 since her initial heart attack. For the last 39 days people have come together from many denominations of Christianity and have prayed for a miracle.

Over this time period, I too have prayed for a miracle for Colleen along with many other people. I believe that many of the prayers have been prayed by those with great faith. Does this mean that God did not hear all of our prayers? Absolutely not. The bible says that God knows our prayers before even a word flows from our lips. This does not paint a picture of an uncaring God in any way shape or form. God is love. God is compassionate. Anyone who has faith in Jesus Christ knows that God has a plan beyond what we can understand.

It does not matter how much faith we have in knowing God can do all things. God can certainly do a miracle. To read the bible we see proof, page after page after page. Does God always show up and do a miracle? Sometimes people die before we are ready. We will all die one day. There is a song sung by Micael W. Smith. I heard it on radio yesterday. It is called "This is Her Time". It is a song written for a young girl who died in the Collumbi mass shooting in which she lost her life. They shot her dead for confessing her faith in Christ. A sad end to her life. Yet, her life and her death was part of a plan. For family members it was a devestating loss.

Death somehow rips to the deepest part of our souls. We don't want to let go of our loved ones. It hurts too much. We miss them everyday. When I thought about Colleen and all the people praying for her, I just keep seeing faith faith faith for a miracle. I also keep reading of the reports as she is now being moved to palliative care. Thinking of it all made me feel somewhat aggrivated, perhaps a little skepticle for moment.

Then the answer hit me like a wave. It takes a lot more faith to let go; to allow God's will to be done whether we like it or not. It takes more faith to say goodbye. It takes faith to say, "Colleen you are free to go into God's loving arms and be in paradise."

Sometimes in the mist of our fear of death, it is hard to remember that for Christians death is really eternal life. The spirit and soul are immediatley transported into God's presence. We pray for Colleen and her family and ask that God's perfect will to be done while believing for a miracle. In the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Amen. Let faith be the hope to comfort all who grieve the loss of a loved one.

Since writing this blog, Colleen Mills passed from this life on March 7, 2010. Until we meet again Colleen, we will remember you fondly. I'll sing with you again some day in that heavenly choir.

Legs of Determination

It took a month of training with the hospital chaplain, to learn hospital procedures, emergency codes and things we should or should not say that may upset the patient. Our job as a spiritual care volunteer was to visit them as to offer them support by listening, praying or comforting them. If we brought a little sunshine into their room only by smiling then we would have succeeded. Many patients on the ward that I visited were long term care patients. Some of them may have been in the hospital as long as five years. Some were bedridden; others could only get up into a wheel chair. Other patients waited for a bed to become available in another facility like a convalescent home for the elderly. Visiting every week I could get to know some of the patients quite well. They looked forward to the visit. Sometimes if you missed a visit they would even worry about why you didn’t come. Many patients are quite lonely and cherish the time that someone can give showing them a little attention, love and care. Some patients can be sad, moody, angry, or in horrific pain.

One patient I visited had both his legs amputated because of an infected sore. One leg and then it transferred to the other leg and so they amputated that leg. He was left bed ridden for two years which caused bed sores on his back. These sores caused incredible pain. All he wanted was for his sores to heal so he could go home. His wife didn’t want him back home. She didn’t want to take care of him. Ted is a smart man who also is a writer. I find it amusing how God always brings other writers into my life. I went to visit Ted for the first time. I was quite intimidated I must say. However, he didn’t bite my head off. As it turned out, Ted was quite the friendly fellow, despite how frustrated he was at his circumstance. For months I would visit with him and prayed with him a couple of times. He exchanged a few writing tips to help get me motivated to write. We developed a friendly relationship.

For someone like me it is difficult to distance myself from a person. I usually get way too attached. Some relationships are for a season. In visiting patients that is what it is like. When you go in the next week they may not be there. I’d like to write a happy ending for Ted. However, I have to leave that up to God. One day Ted left the hospital of his own free will. It did not sound like going home was the right place for him to go in his condition. For Ted, time was not standing still. Being in that hospital bed for two years with no visitors except the hospital staff and a few volunteers, he decided that was enough. He was going to live life and it was not going to be in that hospital room anymore.

Over a three month period of time, during my visits I had watched Ted exercise in his bed in an attempt to strengthen his arms so that he would be able to get himself in and out of bed and into his wheel chair without any help. I hope and pray that Ted is still doing that on his own, even better with someone who cares. Ted was a determined man and I think a courageous man. He had his legs cut out from under him and every day the sun would rise and he would rise with it. Pain and all, he tried to get back up and walk again. Doctors would not give him prosthetic legs. They said his heart could not take the strain. Ted had the courage to try and the desire to overcome his physical disability. He may not have received those legs but he can walk tall in his spirit because he is determined, brave and strong willed. His physical heart may have been weak, but he had the heart of a champion. I hope to see a new book on the shelves one day written by Ted . . .

I applaud Ted for his determination to rise above his situation. During the time that I knew Ted, I never once heard him complain or even ask God why this had happened to him. Ted accepted his challenge with the courage and strength of a champion. In this chapter I wanted to write something about Ted and relate it to some spiritual message. When I began to flip through the bible, I ended up in the book of Job. Probably because of the way I look at Ted and his circumstance. People always want answers or some explanation that would somehow defend God. God does not need defending. God is God. Knowing the depth to who God really is, seems to be something we have a difficult time understanding. In my weakness, I searched for answers in the bible that would in some way give reason to the whys of this world. Why would Ted have to live such a circumstance? Why do many suffer in so many different ways? The whys of this world are many and the answers seem few. I have come to realize that in life and in death there is a purpose only known to God the creator of all things.

The book of Job relates a story of a Godly man. God allowed such horrific things to happen to him. Even then, Job's friends and the people in Job's life looked for answers. Many pulled their own conclusions from their own wisdom or lack of. When I read through Job 39 and 40 to gain some insight as to see God's response to Job, it opened my mind to experience just a small climpse of the depth and the reality of God who is the Creator of all things. Perhaps the one verse says it best. Words of God spoken to Job in reply, "Do you still want to argue with the Almighty. You are God's critic, but do you have the answers?"

Job responds to the Lord, "I am nothing ~how could I ever find the answers? I will cover my mouth with my hand. I have said too much already. I have nothing more to say."

Perhaps we need to read The Lord's Challenge to Job ~ Job 40 - God has some questions and teaching for Job. If you want Godly answers, don't look to me. Look to God and begin your conversation with God by reading Job 40. Read the entire book of Job, but first ask God to open your eyes and ears to hear what His Holy Spirit has to say to you. Through Jesus Christ the Saviour.