Penny Wiggles

In Memory of Penny Darlene Wills. Jan. 15 1966 - Dec. 3, 2010

“All the Gold in California” – That was one of Penny’s favourite songs. I guess Penny would have been about twelve when that song hit the charts. For some reason Penny just loved that song and Larry Gatlan. When we drove to California with Mum and Dad, Penny played that song on her little eight track all the way. Dad wanted to throw the tape out the window, but Mum wouldn’t let him. When we would have company over to the house, Penny would start singing "All the Gold in California". She knew every word. She would talk continually about Larry Gatlan. Penny actually went to a few of his concerts when he was in Ontario. In fact, she met Larry Gatlan about a month ago. When he was on stage he blew Penny a kiss and said, “I love you Penny”. He also sent her a little letter which is in the coffin with his CD. This was one of Penny’s many highlighted moments.

On behalf of Norma, Crystal and Candice and the Wills family we wish to thank everyone for the love, support and prayers given on behalf of Penny and our family. Personally, I would like to thank many of you, who over the years have really come to know Penny, love Penny and care for Penny. I don’t know many of you, and perhaps you knew Penny in ways I did not know her, even though she was my sister. You are special people and have special gifts. I praise God for people like you who have made Penny a part of your lives and in doing so, made Penny’s life so full of joy. You cared for her needs and loved her. I believe with all my heart that Penny loved all of you. Her love showed in her smile which is captured in her pictures. A special thanks to her first teacher in public school and high school, the caregivers at C.LG. Day Program, people who met with Penny regularly to teach her computer skills or reading, her respite caregivers and Penny’s special friend who took her out for coffee every Saturday for twelve years. There are many people  who have shared a special bond with Penny. You know who you are and you know the part you had in Penny’s life. Once again I sincerely thank you.

Penny was born January 15, 1966. I can remember back to that time, even though I was just five years old. Mum was pregnant. At that time there was a show on television called “Lost in Space”. It was one of my favourite shows. I loved watching Will and Penny Robinson each week. I remember saying, “Mummy, if you have a little boy can we call him Will?” Mum didn’t like that name because she thought that Will Wills didn’t sound right. As it turned out, Mum had a little girl. One look at her little baby with her little nose, tiny ears and hands and Mum knew that she would name her Penny. Penny was born with down syndrome which is a genetic condition. She had one chromosome difference. Even then Mum instinctively knew that Penny was a blessing from God though some may have thought otherwise. Mum knew that God had given us Penny for a reason.

When Penny was born there was not as much knowledge about her special condition. There was not the resources to research like there is today. Mum learned how to care for Penny the only way she knew how. Like a lot of parenting skills they are developed on the job training. I remember every week a nurse would come in and help my Mum bathe Penny, care for her belly button and make sure Penny was doing okay. Mum feared for Penny's life when she was just a baby. She lay on the bed wearing a pink dress and she looked like a little doll. Penny was having difficulty breathing because she had a cold and her nostrils were very tiny. Penny grew out of the baby stage into a toddler.

There were moments when Penny was quite a handful. When Penny was very young she was fascinated with hair. So fascinated that she would put her hands in your hair and pet it. One day, one of Mum’s good friends Agnus was visiting. Penny proceeded to touch her hair. Next thing you know Agnus screamed. The more Agnus screamed, the harder Penny pulled her hair. It was quite difficult to remove Penny’s hands from the tangled hair. I think Penny was curved from this sense of curiosity when one day she pulled the wig right off of Aunt Vera’s head. The shock on Penny’s face said it all. The response of Aunt Vera was quite hilarious.

I can remember Penny to be the center of so much laughter. She was about five years old. One of her cutest impressions she did was the Pilsbury Doe Boy. The first time she did this she stood in the middle of the living room with her hand up and her mouth shaped like an O, pointing to her belly. It became a big game for everyone to figure out what Penny was doing. The house roared with laughter. You just never knew what Penny was going to do. There were so many surprises which brought laughter. Penny loved her popcorn and chips, but more than anything she loved her Mom, her family and people.

Mum had many years of caring for Penny. In the last few years Crystal and Candice took over for Mum and did everything they could do to make a happy home for Penny, Kala, Liz and Kaitlen. They enjoyed many happy times with all the girls of which will always be treasured. 

Penny had her infatuations over the years. With each one she entertained us. I think Penny always liked when people laughed. She did not like people arguing or loud noises. Whether Penny was wearing her purple Donny Osmond socks and talking about Donny Osmond incessantly or if she was dressed in green make-up pretending to be the incredible Hulk or joyfully singing “All the Gold in California” at the top of her lungs, Penny always made sure that we knew about her love interests. She loved Elvis and going to Collingwood and dancing up a storm. She loved the kisses and hugs she received from all the Elvis’s even more. What can I say, Penny loved her guys and even Keith Urban can attest to this. She loved her calendar book and listening to CD’s, the Raider family, Ocean Opry and music.

When Crystal, Penny and I were young we loved to play and pretend we were Jamie Summers, the bionic woman. We would jump off the couches and picnic tables and run in slow motion. Penny would make the bionic sounds and pretend to subdue us. She was strong like Jamie Summers.

Somewhere along life’s journey, I began calling her Penny Wiggles and Penny would reply back to me Becky Wiggles. I didn’t realize until we were in the hospital on Friday that everyone called her Penny Wiggles. It made her smile when we would call her that name. Lord knows, I loved to tease Penny. Penny liked to tease me in return. It was all in fun. When Penny was little she would curl her front lip with her tongue. Mum thought she looked like the puppet lamb chops. You would have to be over fifty to know who lamb chops is.

So I have had a few days to reflect over memories and think about Penny and who she was in my life. We seem do to that when we lose a loved one. Life can seem like a strange and winding road. Often we take the people in our lives for granted, never thinking that tomorrow they could be gone.

I feel sad knowing that Penny is not with us anymore and I picture her in that hospital room on that Friday where she was surrounded by love. It is hard to say goodbye. The only thing that really gives me comfort is in knowing that she is now enveloped by the most incredible love, a perfect love within God’s presence. I believe this because I know that Penny had a childlike faith and loved Jesus. She accepted Jesus just like she accepted everyone. Penny never had it in her to judge people or harbour bitterness or anger. She just accepted everyone for who they are.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me. Do not hinder them for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” I happen to believe the word of God to be true. In God’s word it says throughout many scriptures that Jesus will change our “vile bodies”. I believe that on Friday afternoon, Penny walked into heaven with a new glorified body. A body no longer restricted by sickness, pain, or any infirmity. I know that her sight was made perfect. I am expecting to see Penny again some time. The scripture says that we will recognise each other by our spirits. Penny had a wonderful gentle spirit.

I know that Penny loves Jesus. I believe that is exactly where Penny is right now, rejoicing in Heaven. So it only seems appropriate that at the end of this service we play one of Penny’s favourite songs which also happens to be one of my favourites too. “I’m a sinner, but I’ve never sinned because I’ve got a friend in Jesus. When I die and they lay me to rest, I’m going to that place that is the best. Going up to the Spirit in the sky. That is where I’ll go when I die. When I die and they lay me to rest I’m going to the place that is the best."

If I were to pick out something which I will always remember about Penny, it would be that incredible innocence she possessed and the smile that always graced her face. I saw that smile only a week ago. It impelled me to give her a kiss and a hug and tell her “I love you Penny”. Penny was unique in every sense of the word -my gentle little sister - My Penny Wiggles. We will not forget you Penny. Even though you are gone, you will be remembered by many.

I'll just say: See later Penny. I'll love you forever. xoxoxo

Where is God?

Where is God? This is a question often asked by people in devestating times. The bible tells us that God is with us all the time. That would mean that in the best of circumstances and in the worst of times God is with us. When we lose loved ones or witness devestation like Haiti's earthquake, some may ask that question.

Again I have been touched by the prayers of many believers of Christ Jesus. Poetic prayers, heartfelt and tear streaming prayers, prayers of faith by many who believe that all things are possible in Christ Jesus. Truth is, all things are possible in Christ Jesus. However, sometimes God doesn't answer our prayers in ways which we can understand. At this time I am thinking of a young Mother. Her name is Colleen. Colleen had a sudden heart failure. It is told that it took seventeen minutes to revive her. She has been in a coma ever since.

For years I sang in the chroir with Colleen and many other wonderful men and women of faith. Colleen is the mother of three children and the wife of Alec her loving husband. She is a loving sister, a daughter, a friend, a part of many lives. This is now day 39 since her initial heart attack. For the last 39 days people have come together from many denominations of Christianity and have prayed for a miracle.

Over this time period, I too have prayed for a miracle for Colleen along with many other people. I believe that many of the prayers have been prayed by those with great faith. Does this mean that God did not hear all of our prayers? Absolutely not. The bible says that God knows our prayers before even a word flows from our lips. This does not paint a picture of an uncaring God in any way shape or form. God is love. God is compassionate. Anyone who has faith in Jesus Christ knows that God has a plan beyond what we can understand.

It does not matter how much faith we have in knowing God can do all things. God can certainly do a miracle. To read the bible we see proof, page after page after page. Does God always show up and do a miracle? Sometimes people die before we are ready. We will all die one day. There is a song sung by Micael W. Smith. I heard it on radio yesterday. It is called "This is Her Time". It is a song written for a young girl who died in the Collumbi mass shooting in which she lost her life. They shot her dead for confessing her faith in Christ. A sad end to her life. Yet, her life and her death was part of a plan. For family members it was a devestating loss.

Death somehow rips to the deepest part of our souls. We don't want to let go of our loved ones. It hurts too much. We miss them everyday. When I thought about Colleen and all the people praying for her, I just keep seeing faith faith faith for a miracle. I also keep reading of the reports as she is now being moved to palliative care. Thinking of it all made me feel somewhat aggrivated, perhaps a little skepticle for moment.

Then the answer hit me like a wave. It takes a lot more faith to let go; to allow God's will to be done whether we like it or not. It takes more faith to say goodbye. It takes faith to say, "Colleen you are free to go into God's loving arms and be in paradise."

Sometimes in the mist of our fear of death, it is hard to remember that for Christians death is really eternal life. The spirit and soul are immediatley transported into God's presence. We pray for Colleen and her family and ask that God's perfect will to be done while believing for a miracle. In the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Amen. Let faith be the hope to comfort all who grieve the loss of a loved one.

Since writing this blog, Colleen Mills passed from this life on March 7, 2010. Until we meet again Colleen, we will remember you fondly. I'll sing with you again some day in that heavenly choir.

Legs of Determination

It took a month of training with the hospital chaplain, to learn hospital procedures, emergency codes and things we should or should not say that may upset the patient. Our job as a spiritual care volunteer was to visit them as to offer them support by listening, praying or comforting them. If we brought a little sunshine into their room only by smiling then we would have succeeded. Many patients on the ward that I visited were long term care patients. Some of them may have been in the hospital as long as five years. Some were bedridden; others could only get up into a wheel chair. Other patients waited for a bed to become available in another facility like a convalescent home for the elderly. Visiting every week I could get to know some of the patients quite well. They looked forward to the visit. Sometimes if you missed a visit they would even worry about why you didn’t come. Many patients are quite lonely and cherish the time that someone can give showing them a little attention, love and care. Some patients can be sad, moody, angry, or in horrific pain.

One patient I visited had both his legs amputated because of an infected sore. One leg and then it transferred to the other leg and so they amputated that leg. He was left bed ridden for two years which caused bed sores on his back. These sores caused incredible pain. All he wanted was for his sores to heal so he could go home. His wife didn’t want him back home. She didn’t want to take care of him. Ted is a smart man who also is a writer. I find it amusing how God always brings other writers into my life. I went to visit Ted for the first time. I was quite intimidated I must say. However, he didn’t bite my head off. As it turned out, Ted was quite the friendly fellow, despite how frustrated he was at his circumstance. For months I would visit with him and prayed with him a couple of times. He exchanged a few writing tips to help get me motivated to write. We developed a friendly relationship.

For someone like me it is difficult to distance myself from a person. I usually get way too attached. Some relationships are for a season. In visiting patients that is what it is like. When you go in the next week they may not be there. I’d like to write a happy ending for Ted. However, I have to leave that up to God. One day Ted left the hospital of his own free will. It did not sound like going home was the right place for him to go in his condition. For Ted, time was not standing still. Being in that hospital bed for two years with no visitors except the hospital staff and a few volunteers, he decided that was enough. He was going to live life and it was not going to be in that hospital room anymore.

Over a three month period of time, during my visits I had watched Ted exercise in his bed in an attempt to strengthen his arms so that he would be able to get himself in and out of bed and into his wheel chair without any help. I hope and pray that Ted is still doing that on his own, even better with someone who cares. Ted was a determined man and I think a courageous man. He had his legs cut out from under him and every day the sun would rise and he would rise with it. Pain and all, he tried to get back up and walk again. Doctors would not give him prosthetic legs. They said his heart could not take the strain. Ted had the courage to try and the desire to overcome his physical disability. He may not have received those legs but he can walk tall in his spirit because he is determined, brave and strong willed. His physical heart may have been weak, but he had the heart of a champion. I hope to see a new book on the shelves one day written by Ted . . .

I applaud Ted for his determination to rise above his situation. During the time that I knew Ted, I never once heard him complain or even ask God why this had happened to him. Ted accepted his challenge with the courage and strength of a champion. In this chapter I wanted to write something about Ted and relate it to some spiritual message. When I began to flip through the bible, I ended up in the book of Job. Probably because of the way I look at Ted and his circumstance. People always want answers or some explanation that would somehow defend God. God does not need defending. God is God. Knowing the depth to who God really is, seems to be something we have a difficult time understanding. In my weakness, I searched for answers in the bible that would in some way give reason to the whys of this world. Why would Ted have to live such a circumstance? Why do many suffer in so many different ways? The whys of this world are many and the answers seem few. I have come to realize that in life and in death there is a purpose only known to God the creator of all things.

The book of Job relates a story of a Godly man. God allowed such horrific things to happen to him. Even then, Job's friends and the people in Job's life looked for answers. Many pulled their own conclusions from their own wisdom or lack of. When I read through Job 39 and 40 to gain some insight as to see God's response to Job, it opened my mind to experience just a small climpse of the depth and the reality of God who is the Creator of all things. Perhaps the one verse says it best. Words of God spoken to Job in reply, "Do you still want to argue with the Almighty. You are God's critic, but do you have the answers?"

Job responds to the Lord, "I am nothing ~how could I ever find the answers? I will cover my mouth with my hand. I have said too much already. I have nothing more to say."

Perhaps we need to read The Lord's Challenge to Job ~ Job 40 - God has some questions and teaching for Job. If you want Godly answers, don't look to me. Look to God and begin your conversation with God by reading Job 40. Read the entire book of Job, but first ask God to open your eyes and ears to hear what His Holy Spirit has to say to you. Through Jesus Christ the Saviour.

Praise God for Unseen Miracles

For so many years I had a reason to get up. That reason was my children. There was always noise in the house whether the children were playing or fighting over the television converter. Mum where is this? How do I do that? I was always needed, never too far away if I wasn’t needed. The roll of wife and mother, I took quite serious. It really was my job for many years. When my marriage broke up and we sold the house, my children moved out of the home. One day all the memories flashed through my mind making me smile. Next a deep sadness came over me to realize that those days are gone. It was very strange. It almost seemed that it was someone else’s life. I wasn’t ready for this to happen. It came far too soon. My children grew into adults’ right before my very eyes. My perspective on life changed when I awoke one day living in an empty house. My life had come full circle. I started my life in Keswick where I lived for twenty years. When I married we moved to Cookstown which was located on the other side of the lake. We raised our children there for twenty years. When the marriage ended, I moved back to Keswick to buy a small house that I could afford. This became my new home. The initial shock of living in an empty house was overwhelming at times. It felt like everything I had known and loved was taken away. It makes me cherish the memories I have of seeing my children get on and off the bus everyday when they went to school. The excitement on their faces and the happiness they felt to be home was priceless. Quickly asking, “Can I have a cookie?” Those are the memories that no one can take away. For the financial sacrifice of being a stay at home mother, it was surely worth it. Good or bad my children learned what I taught them. The time went by much too soon. I can’t believe it.

I heard this story spoken by my own mother when I was young. Then, I didn’t relate because my children were small. Now I see the same hands on the clock turn, just as they turned for my mother who raised six children. We are all grown up now and so are my children. Now we are on to the next stage of our lives. My mother is in her late eighties. She has thirty five grandchildren. While she seems to be aging I know I am too. It won’t be long before I am elderly. So, we watch the hands on the clock turn and the pages of our lives flip. In that process, we live life in the best way that we can. We must enjoy life and each day that it gives to us in a holy and right way. After all, this life is just a journey to something even better. There is a saying which caught my attention, so I put it on my fridge. It says, “The journey is going from who you were, to finding out who you are meant to be.” We can only imagine what amazing things God has written on the pages of our lives. Now I go out for a morning walk, talk to God and ask him for direction and maybe a little insight. We enjoy the day set before us and help others who are less fortunate along the way. It always amazes me how God answers our prayers.

One Sunday morning I felt more like staying in bed and pulling the blankets up over my head. Feeling a little empty and somewhat sad, I was thinking a lot about recent events. It is easy to feel sorry for one’s self and get into that woe is me syndrome. I managed to get up, get dressed and go to worship practice.

We were playing our instruments and preparing for the church service. A new face looked up at me from the seat in the front row. She was so intent and into the music we were playing. I thought how spiritual she must be. Her eyes looked somewhat sad. She tried to hide it with her smile. Still there was a sincere look about her that seemed to say: “The worship songs are so beautiful. God is good.” This petite and frail looking woman with her smile, silently called to me. I went over to her and introduced myself to her and welcomed her to our church. We traded a few informalities about ourselves. In that few moments we realized that we had more in common than a longing to serve God. We both were writers and she told me she was in the process of writing a book herself. I told her that I had a book published and her eyes brightened with curiosity. She asked me what the title was. I told her “When Times Stands Still”. I told her it was a non-fiction book based on many true stories relating to such topics as death, friendship and biographical chapters of my own life experiences. She asked where she could get a copy. I told her I would bring her one next week. The church service was about to begin and our conversation came to a close as time did not permit further conversation that day.

I find after church service, it can be quite hectic and many people are eager to leave and resume other activities. The weekends are always so full of things to do. When I was a stay home mother, I never understood or even thought about how precious weekends are to a person who works at a nine to five job every week. Now being in the work force, I know it all too well. The work week can leave one tired. Weekends are for catch-up - catch up on housework, laundry, yard work, bible study and in the summer stock car racing. The list can seem endless. That mad rush out of the church doors to get home breaks the short connection with God and company.

Many times throughout that following week I would think about her, wondering what happened in her life worth writing about. I felt compelled to take one of my books to church and give her one, and so I did. However she was not there that Sunday, but she was there the following Sunday. She was worshiping God, singing the songs, tears rolling down her cheeks. When our eyes made contact, we smiled an acknowledging gesture. We talked again after the service. I gave her my book. She told me a little more about herself. Her husband and she were once missionaries, she said. They had two children. Somewhere along the way they had some marital problem and they had separated. Oh, how I thought I could relate to her pain. I told her how I had been separated and had to move, my children moved out on their own and it felt like my world had fallen apart. She said to me, “It must be a very difficult time for you. I can relate to your pain.” I was somewhat moved by the empathy she responded to me. I said it felt like I died and woke up to find my entire world in pieces. With an endearing empathy, she said she understood exactly how that feels. She reminded me that my children are still alive.

Lisa went on to tell me her story. One weekend while her young daughters were visiting with their father, they were in a car accident and all three were killed. My eyes went red and welled with tears feeling the sting of her pain. My heart sank. That has always been one of my biggest fears, to lose a child by death. I don’t know how devastating that would feel. I pray to God I would never have to endure that loss. Suddenly my story didn’t seem so bad in comparison to what she has been coping with. Although I’m sure my pain was as real to me as her pain was to her, it sure gave me a different perspective. That was not the end of her story. She is still struggling through it today. Her tragedy - I say her tragedy because she is the one who lives it. Living it brought some ramifications. In her attempt to ease her pain she became addicted to hard drugs. The bumpy road she and her husband traveled on seemed to go to a dead end. Loneliness and heart break brought some anger toward God causing her to turn from all she believed and lived. While in this place of sorrow and incredible loneliness, the drugs and needles she shared brought more devastation, the Aids virus. Somewhere in that place she found herself in - a place that felt like death and darkness, she turned to God again for help. God never left her, she had left him. In spite of her pain, the anger and the sickness, she reached out to God. Hope is the miracle of the ages.

All that she had to overcome gave her the inspiration to want to help others who cope with similar experienceds by writing a book about her story. I don’t know if Lisa has finished her book yet. Sickness and addiction is a constant battle for her and often hinders her writing. Her sickness took her from our church not long after. A couple of times she went forward for a miracle healing. Only God knows when, how, or where the miracles will take place. It may be today, tomorrow or it may be in Heaven. Surely God will write the pages of her book even if she does not get it finished. Perhaps the real miracle is that above all that she endured and still endures, she overcame her anger toward God. With her weak body she praises God with all her heart, with all her mind and with all her strength. Praise God for the unseen miracles.

There Will be a Day

We all have times in our lives when we reach certain milestones: The first day of school or becoming a teenager, turning thirteen, thirty, fifty or eighty. Perhaps getting your drivers license or graduating from high school, college, or university are some of the milestones we celebrate. These are times of achieving a goal in our lives which tells us and others; “Hurray - we have succeeded.” Now we are ready to go on to the next phase of our lives or accomplish our next set of goals.

I remember when I was a young girl and talking to my Aunt about growing older. She was then thirty five years older than I. At that time, I just could not wait to be an adult. Of course, my Aunt said, “Enjoy being twelve. Life goes by way too fast. You will be an adult soon enough and then you will wish you were young again.”

At the time, it was difficult to relate to what she said. For me as a twelve year old, time stood still. Now here I am thirty six years later understanding what she then said to me. Where did the time go? I now look in the mirror and each day I see a new wrinkle on my face. No matter how much moisturizer I use, the fine lines keep coming. The little white hairs that creep up one at a time and stand straight like soldiers from my scalp send me to battle. I pull them out one at a time. Then another pops up. I reach for the hair dye. Feel a little better for about a month and then look at my roots coming in, a little more grey each month. The battle with age never ends. Time and aging go hand and hand like two lovers in a courtship. No matter what I do. I can’t separate the two of them.

Talking to my Aunt this week, who is still thirty five years older than me, I realized that fact has not changed. She reminded me how old I will be twenty years from now. She went on to tell me about all her aches and pains and warns me to take care of my body now while I am young. I don’t feel as young as I once did. Depending on our perspective about aging, it can be a depressing thought to think that in another twenty years, I could suffer the same or even worse symptoms of aging or disease. The future can look very grim. Again it would depend on the perspective we have for our future. It would depend on what we believe about life and death. As a Christian believer I realize that life as I know it to be, is just one experience after another, living through the different stages and milestones. I believe that life is really a time of preparation for a life eternal. Life is a woven tapestry where our lives intertwine with the lives of others. There is a God purpose and a plan.

Having a Christian perspective, when I look all around me, I can only conclude that there is definitely a God. Everything is made so perfect that it could not have possibly just evolved from an amoeba. God created a perfect balance in all things. The eco-system is so intricate. One animal feeds off of another. Millions of different species of plants, bugs, animals, mammals, vegetation, herbs and on and on the list goes. These things prove to me that there had to be an intelligent being to make a world that can survive on itself. God even put in place all the gases and oils, minerals, and water in place, knowing well in advance that this world would some day advance in technology to use these minerals to transport and survive. It shows us a God that is all knowing. The bible says that he even knows the hairs on our head. That in human perception is an infinite number of hairs, considering how many humans now live and how many humans have lived on planet earth. How can atheists ignore such in your face evidence? Atheists can put up as many bus signs as they want denying that there is a God. You cannot call an apple an orange. An apple is an apple no matter how you try to disguise it. An orange is an orange even if you make it into orange juice.

The (world) meaning the people who live in the world want to believe in something so desperately that many people are willing to believe in anything except God. In the first sign of crisis in one’s life, who will that unbelieving person turn to for help? Ninety percent of the time they pray to their unknown God. For Christian’s we turn to Jesus. We can know him. God in His infinite wisdom has made a simple concept for us to believe and understand. He kept it simple by using an example of sacrifice and atonement for our stupidity and sinful choices by giving us His son Jesus Christ. Christ’s death for our eternal life. We just have to believe. Pretty simple, yet only a handful of the world population receive that gift.

For those who do believe in a Savior, their perspective on life and the way to live life changes. It changes because they believe and know that this life is a time to fulfill something much more than a nine to five job. It is a time to learn who we are in Christ; a time to learn about this God who created us and loves us and knows us better than we know ourselves. It is a time to prepare us for eternity. One could look at it like a little holding tank where we are aloud to live life and do whatever we please, good or bad. We can make choices with our free will. God watches the choices we make. Do we live for Him and to bring Him glory by living to fulfill God’s mandate which is to love our neighbors, feed the widows, help those in need and share the love of Christ with all those people we meet during our life span? Or do we live oblivious to the fact that God really exists and live this life like it is the last chance. There is no hope in the latter statement. No, the bible tells us that there is life eternal when we die from this life. It is simply stated and made clear in scripture. Live in a new heaven and a new earth or live in hell?

I choose life with God. The bible gives us hope through Christ Jesus the Son of the Living God. “Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved.” “For God so loved the World that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have ever lasting life.” These two quotes from the bible say it simple and clear. The key word is “believe”. These are only two quotes of many found throughout the bible which leads the way to eternal life. They are not just nice sayings for someone to read on a sign as they drive by. These messages are God’s truth for each of us to embrace. Embrace life not death and you will have a new life changing perspective which will get you through any milestone, any trial, hurt or pain. In that perspective you will find the grace of God to be sufficient for you to endure and overcome. We are all just passing through. Life is to be enjoyed, shared, grasped and lived to its full potential no matter how long our life may be.

Some people move on to the next life before others. Even when we miss our loved ones, we have a hope that they have a life eternal. That life eternal is more than we can imagine. Revelation 21 tells of a day with no more death, no more pain, no suffering. The lame will walk the blind will see, the deaf will hear. All things will be made new. If God can make this earth and the entire universe in its entire splendor, how much more God can make a new earth to replace the one that we humans are destroying. God can do all things. He is not a little God that we can put in a little Genie bottle and let out whenever we feel like it. God cannot be contained, limited, destroyed or erased. God is and was and is to come. Before the heavens God existed. Our limited minds cannot fully comprehend the depth to God. Our minds can comprehend the basic principles of which are written in the bible. “New York Times Best Seller” may not be written on the cover of the Bible, yet it is the most important and life giving book ever read by man or woman. It has sold more books than any best seller. Before you decide that God is not real, nor does He exist, be wise enough to research the bible. A good informed decision is the beginning of wisdom. A closed mind can limit the truth and keep it hidden away while a mind that is open too wide can allow the brains to fall out. One can begin to believe in anything. One can believe a tree stump is their God and worship it. That belief is as dead as the stump. For those who are deceived into believing in false idols or Gods, that kind of faith is useless and ritualistic. New age believers would rather give all there cares to a mood stone. Is that logical? I’d rather give my cares to God. The bible says that he would not give us a stone if we ask for bread.

Pray and seek the living God as one who is thirsty and seeks living water. Then you will find God and your thirst will be quenched by living water that leads to eternal life. Revelation 21:6-9 “And he also said, “It is finished! I am the Alpha and the Omega the Beginning and the End. To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of Life. All who are victorious will inherit all these blessings, and I will be their God and they will be my children. But cowards, unbelievers, the corrupt, murderers, the immoral, those who practice witchcraft, idol worshipers and all liars – their fate is in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.”

Does finding salvation in Christ mean that we become perfect or sinless in an instant? I don't believe so. Salvation is a life changing process. Salvation is the beginning of our journey toward God's Holiness and life eternal.

For information on how to know you are a child of God and have salvation - Read (John 1:12-13), (John 3 1-16), (John 14:6), (John 17:1-5), (Romans 6:23), (Colossians 1:13-14) (Romans 10:8-10)

Perseverance Must Finish its Work

I attended a weekly bible study for a three month period. We read and dissected each verse in the book of James. “James is believed to have been the brother of Jesus, a pastor of the early church who was concerned for the Jewish people and the Christians. The book of James was written to encourage people who dispersed when they were faced with difficult times, the death of Stephen and the many trials of the early Christian Church”.

At the time I studied James my life seemed fine, with no major problems. Thinking back I was probably a little comfortable or complacent with my Christian walk. I was going through the motions, attending church and bible study while doing my own thing. At the time I really challenged some of the things James taught and believed, knowing that everything that is written in the bible is the inspired word of God. Many times when we study the bible we want to change the meaning of a verse to suite our lifestyle. Some verses call for tough changes to be made. We know it. So we try to convince ourselves that the verse is saying this or that. In an attempt to change the meaning we are actually watering down the word of God. The word of God is meant for our ultimate good to bring us to His righteousness which is perfect. Certainly I have been guilty of doing this when studying the bible. Often I wondered why I was going to this study because many times I left the study feeling frustrated. That was because I was fighting the principles being taught. It was actually conviction I was feeling. My question at that time was how could a person live out these principles in their daily life? There are so many distractions in this world pulling at us from every direction. The world views change more and more from the biblical truth as time goes by. Knowing and believing that God’s word is the handbook for God’s people, we should strive to live a righteous and Godly life.

God tells us in His word that “Our ways are not His ways”. As I read the book of James, I could see that God’s ways are very different from the way the world may think most of the time. James starts out his second verse by telling us Verse 2: “Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything”.

Time does seem to unveil many truths. I find it interesting to realize that God’s is all knowing. In his insight into my life he knew before I did that I would need this instruction and preparation from the book of James in the years and months ahead. God knew the trials I was soon to go through. We barley finished the study when my world began to fall apart when my marriage of twenty three years came to an end.

God was preparing me for a character change. God could have just changed me with the snap of his fingers, but he didn’t. He had another plan. God being the Potter and me being the clay, God put me on that Potter’s wheel. Did I consider it all joy at the time? Not one bit. In fact, I wondered, what was God doing? What was He not doing? Where was God in the mist of my marriage break-up? Why didn’t God restore my marriage? When someone is in the mist of a trial, it is hard in our natural human instinct to see past the problems. We don’t’ have a crystal ball to tell us what our future will be like when we finally cross the bridge of tribulation. We wonder if we will still be in one piece. When we do cross that bridge we realize that we are still breathing and maybe even laughing again. What we do have is God’s word that does tell us why. That can help us get over that bridge with His understanding.

At the time of enduring what seemed like the biggest trial ever, I certainly felt I could relate in a small way to the biblical character Job. There is an entire book in the Old Testament written about him. It is the book of Job. Although his trials and testing’s were much worse than I could ever really compare. I had to endure an attack on my womanhood, the rejection I felt from my husband, the loss of friends who didn’t seem to care or understand, broken family ties and broken friendships, selling my home, my adult children going off to college etc. Never have I felt as alone as I did during this time. It truly felt like a testing of my faith. Through the process I became angry, bitter, depressed. The first stage of the separation created a behavior in me which was more like a child. There were temper tantrums at my husband and friends who seemed insensitive to my feelings, anger at God; who at the time seemed to be on vacation. The book of Malachi has one short verse which says, “God Hates Divorce”. I believed that verse. However, regardless of all my praying and all the effort I put into getting my marriage back together, it was not in my control. We can’t change how other people feel about us or the choices they make. My enduring question to which I never knew the answer for a long period of time was, “God, why didn’t you do anything to bring my marriage together again?” Really who am I to question God, the maker of the universe? His ways are not our ways. God has a plan. So go with it. Why fight God? You’ll lose.

In time, I finally realized that scripture is always true and right. The answers we are looking for are written on every page of the bible. It is up to us to find those answers by reading it and asking God to reveal his truth to our minds and hearts. The book of James has the answer to some of my questions. It was up to me whether I accept them or not.

Yes God does hate divorce or any division between his children and he hates broken vows. However, God allows these things to happen because we all have free will. God does not cause these things to happen; he allows them and uses them for a good purpose. Usually our own sinful desires cause bad things to happen. Sometimes we are the victim of someone else’s sinful choices which we have no control over. When all is said and done God prevails through the circumstance and so can we, if we don’t lose faith. When we know God’s word and constantly seek him and his understanding, he will give us the wisdom to learn from that trial. That is when we become more mature as a person and in our faith. We also become wiser in the way we deal with difficult challenges and gain more understanding. This helps us to relate to other people going through their own trials.

In my marriage break-down that ended in divorce, I was forced to become a more independent woman. I didn’t have my husband to love me. I learned to love myself the way God the father loves me. Initially that was very difficult because I felt so unlovable, ugly and rejected. It felt like a dying to self inside and out. In God’s time and strength I did persevere and learned how to do things that I was scared to do before. For example: for years I was afraid to call people on the phone or talk to anyone on the phone who wasn’t a friend or relative. The job I ended up getting was as a receptionist and switchboard operator dealing with a variety of people and clients all day long. Gradually I gained a self esteem I never had before. It was through persevering that a maturity developed that possibly may never have developed had my marriage stayed together. Not only have these things changed, a perspective on everything changed. No longer do I pine over friendships obsessively. My eyes were opened to the mistakes I made in that twenty three year marriage. There are things I could have done which could have made my husband happier; things like being less critical or not taking him for granted. I could have showed him more appreciation for the things that he did do for me. I could have learned his love language. There are other changes I could have made that may have prevented the demise of our marriage. Unfortunately I was not mature enough at the time to recognize these things to try and change them. The maturity is in accepting that it was not all his fault. When we can accept our own mistakes that is when we can change our behavior. In three years my life totally changed. Because of these changes, progress was made in many different aspects of our lives.

I met a man and fell in love again. We married and enjoy a wonderful marriage. Through pre-marital biblical counseling we addressed many such topics as not to enter a new marriage making the same mistakes that we made in our first marriages. God brought Danny into my life and he is a wonderful man. My life at this time seems complete, not lacking in anything. So I am enjoying this time. Again I can relate to Job who lost so much, but because he held onto his faith, God blessed him with more than he had before his trials began.

If you are going through a trial or tribulation, please don’t quit. Keep your faith and get up again. You will overcome with the strength God will provide. James also says, “If you lack wisdom, ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not expect to receive anything from the Lord; he is double minded man unstable in all he does.
When you read that verse try and see and live the positive then there will be no negative.

Going Through the Motions

I was at church one Sunday. The worship leader sang the song by Mathew West titled “Emotions” The lyrics say: “I don’t want to go through the motions. I don’t want to go one more day without your all consuming passionate side of me. I don’t want to spend my whole life asking what if I had of given everything, instead of going through the motions. We also sung other songs that morning with lyrics that just cried out for God and for His life changing power to change us. Tears poured from my eyes as I choked out the words of the songs feeling the truth in every word with my heart. Initially, that particular Sunday morning, I didn’t even want to go to church. I was bordering on depression at the thought. It made me wonder, what had happened to me and my spiritual fervor?

There was a time in my Christian walk when I couldn’t wait for Sunday to come. I looked forward to hearing the sermons and I hung on every word as if it was my nutritional meal that would get me through the week. I would be encouraged, challenged and moved to share my faith with everyone. God had placed a passion in me so strong and a burden for the lost that inspired me to write song after song. Before I was a Christian I used to write poetry. The poems were always expressions of my sadness, loneliness and depression. When I accepted Christ, my poetry went into an entirely new dimension. My poetry became more about hope, salvation, praise and God’s love. I would play my guitar for hours worshipping Jesus in my living room. It was Him and I. Now I rarely pick up my guitar, not even to practice for playing on the Sunday worship team. I was going through the motions. Once in a while I would feel a spark of the flame that once consumed me.

My life had changed because of many different circumstances and I had to move to this other church. I attended regularly. I was on the worship team. At times it seemed more of a bother than an honor. I lost a Godly perspective and got caught in life and busyness that seems to invade our daily lives. The more I delved into work and other curricular activities the farther I drifted from the place I once was spiritually. That was when I started just going through the motions. I went to church, still doing the religious things, but received nothing but frustration listening to the sermons that many times just made me feel like I was just wasting my time. I did this every Sunday finding no joy of the Lord, no passion or much of anything that would get me out of that funk that I found myself in.

That particular Sunday morning, when I sang the songs and cried out to God, it just became so clear to me. I was stuck in the mud spiritually. This realization told me I had to seek change. My pastor once said that if you don’t like the preaching than go some place else. For a long time, I just stayed and unhappily listened to his sermons that did nothing that would spark or ignite the spirit within me. Realizing the place I found myself in spiritually, it became clear to me that I had to take that first step again. God never left me. God hadn’t changed. I had allowed time and complacency to tie me down. Now it was up to me to cut the ties that bind and to desperately seek God and ask Him to fill me once again and bring me back to my first love Christ Jesus. To do this I had to have a need, a desire and the willingness to be changed. When I left that church on that Sunday, I just knew I had to go some place else to worship. Simply, I was not getting the Spiritual food I needed and was becoming depleted spiritually, emotionally and physically.

That Sunday night I prayed to God, standing before Him completely truthful about myself and how I was feeling, knowing full well that God knows all things. I specifically prayed for restoration and revelation. I prayed that God would bring me back to that place of closeness with Him. I prayed again that God would give me eyes that see and ears that hear Him and for His wisdom and understanding to be made manifest within me. The next morning when I awoke to get dressed for work, I bent over and my back went out on me. For the next two days, I was pretty much limited to lying on my back not able to move without a lot of pain. I took this time to read the book of Hebrews and started reading the book of Acts. When you are limited to very little movement like I was, God had me in a place where I would finally seek Him.

After two days of stillness I mustered enough strength to sit at my computer to write. After praying that morning, I began to write this chapter not knowing where it was going to take me. The phone rang and I picked up. On the other end of the phone was the angelic voice of a friend. She told me that God had placed me on her heart and she felt that she had to give me a phone call. I hadn’t talked to her for a few months to this point in time. Her call surprised me. She said to me that she felt that I needed a word of encouragement and she gave me a scripture verse that I am very familiar with. NIV Bible Proverbs 3: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will and he will show you which road to take. Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones.”

This verse really had a lot of God’s truth and direction for me and was really an answer to my prayers. God put it on Sherrilyn’s heart to call me. God gave her the verse. She was obedient to God and called me. At first, I wondered why that verse. I know that verse off by heart. God wanted me to think about it again. In my defense I thought, I do trust you Lord. Do I trust Him with all my heart? The second line says, “Don’t depend on your own understanding.” I tend to do that a lot and it gets me in trouble. The third line says to “seek his will.” When I thought about it, I ask God for this and for that but are these things in God’s will? Then a light started to dawn on my thick head. "Seek his will, turn from evil." You see I believe my Spirit had been telling me for a long time to leave that church. Not that it was an evil place. However, it was not the place for me to be anymore. God was trying to get my attention each week, but I just pushed His promptings back down. I didn’t trust what God was telling me because I was trying to figure things out with my understanding not His. This verse that she gave me was a confirmation to me, as I had decided to write a letter to the board of the church stating reasons why my husband and I would be taking a sabbatical as to find out what road God wanted us to take.

Sherrilyn invited me to go to a Thursday night service at her church. The worship was powerful. The congregation joyfully participated with praises and halleluiahs. Then the message that the Pastor spoke was so full of scripture and power, it felt like a title wave of food coming over me. It was so much food that I could barely take it all in. His two hour sermon didn’t seem that long and my ears were so attentive to what he was teaching. He said many things which would motivate change in a Christians’ life. It was a message for this present day, a time such as this. It was an apostolic message about faith, about the power of God in the old and New Testament. I never thought about the cloud of the Lord. Being a cloud watcher myself, I know there are many different kinds of clouds; anywhere from the Stratocumulus perlucidus clouds to Mammatus cloud formations and on and on the list goes. It is fascinating to think about the many variations of clouds which God has created. They are new every morning, never the same twice. The cloud of the Lord is different because God’s Spirit is in the cloud. Exodus13:21-22. By day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night. Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people. The book of Numbers 9:15, Deuteronomy, and Nehemiah also tells of the same kind of cloud. When the cloud of the Lord came upon Miriam, she became full of leprosy. Again that cloud showed the power of God’s judgment toward Miriam’s sin.This pastor showed scripture verse after scripture verse. It was very interesting. One of his main points was that the truth has to go up to God for His glory to come down to us. God is righteous and holy and therefore cannot pour out his admiration and honor to us if we are not walking in his truth. If we try to fool ourselves and try to fool God we will do little more than spin our wheels. How can we move in the fullness of the Holy Spirit if we have things in our lives that are not truth? If we have sin in our daily lives and do nothing to try to remove that sin, we are not pleasing or obeying God. We cannot hide anything from God. He is all knowing. If we have a problem or a struggle we can approach God with our concerns honestly and without fear. God does not give us a spirit of fear. The fear of God’s judgment is a different matter. That we should fear. The bible calls that kind of fear the beginning of wisdom. When we are walking in truth then God will pour out His glory to us. With this message, again God was revealing truth and answering my prayers of that week.

Sometimes we are brought to a place in our walk with God where we come face to face with difficult decisions. At times we may have to sacrifice some of the things we enjoy as to live God’s truth. When God calls you to go some place else that is when we trust that His ways are greater than our ways. Instead of going through the motions, we are seeking God’s will. God’s wisdom in all things and God’s understanding so that we can do His ministry.